since when friday replaced monday...
to be paired with colour blues?



few little pools of saliva.
few little pools of tears.

Distinct them.
How hard is that? i wonder...
=/




when the DEEMED impossibleSSSS.
are being dismissed as impossibles, indicating plausibility.

Rate the truth in the above...
does impossible really equates to im-possible?
or that's just cuz of some other power?

mathematically... it's wrong cuz of the hyphen there. hahaha. jk. =o

Anonymous: "Acknowledge. Accept. Let go."

add also improvements and suchs for the 3rd.

How many can actually do that...?
be it own/others flaws, mistakes, character, emotions, or just pure reality.

i just chionged 2 episodes of bofff. :] :]
omggg... heehee so nice to watch lo! <3
i still have 3 episodes. hahahaha.
not bad man... the predicament of accumulation! lols.
i feel lyk continuing. hehe. =p

sianz that person decided to stop translating Pi's jweb. :(
where am i gonna find another webbie?!?! >:/


i don't like swaying.
and this at times end up with stupid decisions.
this ain't... i hope. =/
to hell with my ego,
i don't like it sometimes.
it causes cataract. =/ --> -/

maybe i shouldn't have da sao chu. gah.

passed btt lo..
and a ... incident happened to a test mate.
erm he's from china... he went to end his test when he barely even started it. coincidently, the test supervisor was a malay so ya know comm problems. he only realised he had to rebook another btt until someone translated what the supervisor said to him in eng.
weiwei finished 1st vroom vroom... wonder when i can do that too! excited!!
met and den go work lo...
auto vs manual? i wanted manual at first though... but it's kinda effing hard. lols. seems lyk i already made up my choice after typing that out. lols.
passed this but not the other. gahh... nvm lo...
bbq celebrated lp bday and ton after. i missed the ip man ending cuz i dozed off and got up just when it's gonna end. how great... =/

and today i just realised nyp and sp's dae datelines flew past long ago. dang.
i did nus applic today finally. omg essay...
there's still fees to be paid, essays, ntu applic and fees and done.
i feel lyk taking leave to do all that. but i guess not. hoho.

aired...

The previous post is a competition entry... purely made up.
if you ppl were wondering. lols.
OMG the results is tmrrrr!!
I need a little more luck than a little bit
i didn't managed to see m.c. BB cuz many people didn't come to work today so i cannot take half day off... :( geez... a few months old le i guess.
Nvm i'll be seeing my niece next week. hehe. one month old. :]
i lost her pictures along with my phone!!! as you see babies, their faces change by the day ya. esp since they are still sooo young. ):


超过想象的可能性 = nuts
=/


godness i'm still kinda clueless on how to get my uni application done. O.O
Maybe it's just the procrastinate syndrome again?
no... it aint la...
Or the 'setbacks' at open houses acting up?
ya la this hugeee prob! >:(
aiyer... i'm clueless la.
why they don't have the D.M booth at nus open house?!?!?!!?
maybe i should have found a job after the application and stuffs... NO TIME!!

突然锋利的回忆
翻滚着的双者


yeahhh. i finally changed from haru haru by big bang to bcuz i'm stupid by ss5o1.
i finally found the song at imeem. cheerios. =o
typo --> =io EQUALS straight eyes+finger rubbing nose+opened mouth in 'o' shape. LOLS.
digressed.... =/
OMGGG. my bofff has accumulated up to FIVE episodes unwatched alreadyyy. =/
i can't believe that!!! can u believe it?!


wish me more luck again for my btt tmr! :D
so many results tmr... kinda sian.
using 6th edition. not much diff with the 7th though. lols.
and i haven mug finish.
off to mug... ciao~!

After much worrying, tramatising, fear, and hesitation to clear the suspicion...
Ellie had already decided to have that retest done though she's clear for the first one. I was supportive of that and would MOST DEFINITELY want a happy, healthy Ellie back. She's been seriously blue, having insomnia for countless nights since she got that wrecked phone call from her ex. Worse... when we came to know about the window period for the HIV virus to be detected. And the first green light didn't meant any confirmation. It's as though throwing us back to deadly hell.

I wanted so much to accompany her to the hospital to get her lab report but she insisted on facing this alone, even without Cameron. Cameron didn't forsake her though their r/s was hit by that news. Cameron and me was under some emotional deranged syndrome i would say, waiting for that results. I could only keep my mind on the results of the report that's gonna dictate my bestest girlfriend life, now and in the future. Praying countless times for a negative result. This helplessness i first ever felt... it's like i'm under tonnes of rubble that i could hardly breathe.
It's only until i received this text...

E: i'm clear babe.. it's negative.

I just burst out crying endlessly in Trey's arms. Emotions are letting out after all that tension and on the other hand...
I didn't meant a single bit to felt that way, but a woman's intuition is seldom wrong. I wanted this to be the exception, how badly... reproaching myself for having this intuition even though it's beyond me, beyond my control.
Trey accompanied me down to look for Ellie after receiving this good news. When we reached Cameron was already there and from afar they seems to be in the heat of an argument. We both felt bewildered but figured out it's best to not butt in unnecessarily. It was then that Ellie just left jumping into a cab....

Cameron told us that she wanted to put their r/s to an end reasoning that she's unworthy of him after that 'betrayal'.
this abrupt. this illogical. this nonsensical.
doubts building up... i'm in a bad shape, drowning...
We could not accept as things are and decided to look for Ellie, this isn't the proper way to end all that after all they had been through... Combing her usual hangouts, pubs, clubs... when we finally found her... dead drunk.

She stayed over at my place and it's only the next morn that i heard her muffled cries. She totally broke down and couldn't speak a word even after hours of crying that her tears ran dry... I was in pain just by looking at her. all i could do was hug her but i ended up crying with her.

Me: Hey, u ok after letting it all out?
She said nth looking at me blankly. lost deep in her own world...

Me: * slightly nudging her* i'm seriously worried after the spade of events that happen ytd.

E: sorry. *her hands covering her forehead*

Me: pls don't be... (Even before i cld finish what i had to say...)

E: sorry sorry sorry sorrryyyyy...........................................................(In my mind:my nutcase intuition is sooo not gonna be true!! that unfeeling text)............................................ I lied.

Me: i love you all the same! throwing myself into her arms.

Carmeron got the news and was dead furious, not because Ellie lied about her test results, but for the fact that Ellie pushed him away thinking that they can't get through this together.

Back in school... Cameron and i were both stupified by how people started shunning Ellie. How news spread was definitely most questionable. Those ignorant brats and bitches started behaving and passing remarks that even a sec school teen nowadays would deemed them ridiculous. FOR GOD'S SAKE'S HIV can't be passed through air, touch, sneeze, kiss, straws, shared food and whatnots invented by those pea-brained ignorants! There's no point getting outta lifts holding an AIDS sufferer, wearing mouth masks/gloves when you're near a sufferer, almost nearing to bring an oxygen tank when you're sitting beside a victim breathing the same air UNLESS...
YOU PEOPLE TAKE PRECAUTIONS IN YOUR SEXUAL LIVES(wear that rubber) AND AT BEST JUST STICK TO ABSTINENCE!!!!!

Society as it is, ignorance can't be eradicated overnight.. that is understandable but as AIDS being one of the world's top rising killer and global 'epidemic' taking away lives, destroying families, eating away at one of society's essential fundamentals-empathy-due to pure ignorance. It's high time those found guilty to do some self upgrade and not be boxed in their wrong personal opinions behaviours. I was once among one of those I won't deny, only after the incident that happened to Ellie. Subsequently with the individual, community, organisations, society, government and international efforts... this world would be a better place to those AIDS sufferers!! peace out! Putting aside this case, many other infants and children contracted AIDS through 'hereditary'.

Not every sufferer's case has the retribution element!

I needed to rant my frustrations with regards to this matter, don't mind me people...
Back to King Cameron and Queen Eleanor...
Cameron had straightened out his thoughts and ascertain that another woman of his life ain't gonna ever come by. Through the thins, he's most willing to stick by her till the soul reapers came to take either of them. Even so, Ellie didn't agree to that though they still had the same love for each other. Reality has it that they can't have a normal marriage, and the guilt of burdening Carmeron is too great for Ellie to bear to the extent of taking her well before the HIV virus got to her. She wanted a glamorous exit from Cameron's love life. Well, definitely they stayed on as BFF, not any less care and concern as before. Deep down both of them know nothing had changed except for the status and whatever strings attached to it...

As for me and Trey, i would say we seem to fall deeper by the day. He was my pillar of support through Ellie's incident though at times he didnt know what to say or how to assure me... BUT,
him beside me is all that i need. :)




Get involved with Jesse and Trey today @ www.notsosecretlives.com

there's a(make it two) reason why i suddenly changed my skin though i'm supposed to be busy these days eyy. shall update this post again. lols.
my previous skin has no entry title.

friend. XD w/o links. jkkk. =p

>.< this emoticon is soooo problematic. it cleaned away what i had typed so NOW it don't make sense. give up. no more reasons. MUAHA.
---



OPEN HOUSES...
NTU den NUS.
O.O jp @ NTU. =p but uni wasn't. it was kinda sianz at NTU. erm den... subway-ed. met mashimaro, doraemon(up to here it's seems lyk i went into the cartoon world lols.) and YJD(not acquaintance though lol), tar, egg, zul gang(damn it he's gotta license!!! *ENVY*). oily spring rolls. omggg i'm so evil. ):
period.

NUS. asked around more got more info and got more 'setbacks' aiyer... sianz.
i tried zapping helium into my body from the bubbly balloons they gave. and guess wad... it was a FLOPPPP!!! =/ i tink i can fake it better. ._. HEHE. =p it wasnt onli me that flopped okay. haha. all of that are bogus looo!!! HAHAHA.
ppl... eugene ec cal ec kunsheng yx
period.

vivo city. thaiexpress. i didnt eat kangkong. bahhh... =/
laugh lyk maddd after dinner leading to stomach spasm and teary eyes. LOL! hilarious day somehow.
and i got addicted to street bball. i suck at it though. but i'm improving. yeahhh. i wan play soon leh.... that's where we witness a spastic scene. climbing up the bball machine activating the sensor through swiping his hands. it got close to 3000 points i think. INSANE KIDS.
correlation with stress level these days...?
---



it's a hectic... HECTIC... HECTIC WEEK AHEAD.
stayovers. chong's BB. BBQ. btt. outram. figure out my future?!?!
geez...

geez...
i'm lagging behind bof!!! S.O.S. i breathe on them.

the syndrome of changing skins is bad...
su ex re po. understand? too hard? too bad, XD

the disgusting ants army in my houseee devoured half of my waffle that i wanted to keep for breakfast!!! >:/ they sure are irritating!!

i didn't wish this year. hoho =o erm... don't felt lyk it i think. =/

okies so many paths now... lols. shall look at the open houses yo.

nth really suay happened though it's fri 13th only that my umbrella got abit bent cuz of the weight of the pouring cats and dogs, i guess... =/

我想我是累了
或许我不想了解真正的自己
也许是我不太认识你
可能我一直都在压抑领悟的真理
但还是不免维系下去
只想保持一点距离。。。

因为许多感受反复上映
但从不知如何从何说起
雀发现终究不会麻痹
也只有逃避
不去正式这不明确的问题

when dreams are too much to handle
when reality swings a tight slap into your face
when kins constantly reminding you of those finger marks
when they poke their fingers and noses around
when the angels and demons are at war
when time is pressing against you
when the woods is never cleared
when regrets weigh only a tinge
when the root of all evil is the key
when so many paths camouflages as dead ends
when the light is taking eons to light up



what do people do...?

efficient eunice has found her charger and got a new sim. :D
BUT msgs sent to my hp is lost and never found. darn.
and it's time to complain bout aisyalax...

you needta payyy to go toilet. wad? the spore ages ago... O.O
a BIG BIG NO smoking sign in the toilet! in xalay for ur info...!
but u don't smell pee or poo in their toilets... u smell the bloody smoke.
their cabs are even smaller den the norm car here.
but the gd think is it's cheaper. it could be even cheaper den the flag rate in spore, for manageable distances. and crapshyt the drivers there thinks that we are big suckers to them. but hell no! muahahahaha!!!!!!! zainess. =O

here's what happen... cabbed back to find my lostt phone :( from the customs. den we preferred cheena drivers and he set RM10. but we took RM7 only to get there. den in the end dunno how we got a non-cheena driver la. and the many non-c were telling us... take the bluee cab! and that's a hei1 che1(hei dian). the freaking meter is just like singapore jumping RM0.20 and the rate started at... [i dun rmb] some tl rate as compared to the other local cabs la.
anyway he took us in merry go round and the fare bcame 14. den i seriously thought i gave him 10 + 5 and so he gave me 1 change seeing that there's onli two notes. and it turned out to be 10 + 1 - 1 that i gave him and! XD wahh shiock! den he realised and asked but i confirm i give 15 den we zao! i was deluded by the dark in the cab ya. shuang...
---



back to morns again. i prefer it this way though. erm... to a certain extent.
kinda the only good thing happening to me since march came... geez.
i don't like to get off work and see the sky's dark and black. ._.

boohoo. wad a suay day ytd. =/
i lost my phone in aisyalam!!!!
it slipped outta my pocket in the teksi. >:(
but weirdly i wasn't sad.
i was just sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
i just wan my stuffs and all!!!! arrrgghhhh...
and den my footwear spoit ytd too. =/


erm.. so i'm uncontactable for the time being till i dig up my ex-hp charger and use that lag pok pok phone. since i have no energy to think about suitable new phones to purchase when i'm supposed to think about my FUTURE!!! so yea.

half day wk
sp.. realised. klutz.
whitesands allie
04 @ BK

mjcccc.
lalala... happy for mani. getting nervy...
queue... wait, den hesitates.
peeked the first.
heart sunk.
neurons slacking on their job, laggy.
burstttt. weiwei suesue. <3
blabla...

tm, hagen. =p
blunder... ):):
ehub, kbox! high fun(fan1) tian. lol.
mr. tay.
reality.
byebye.
---



CHARLENE!!! :]
AWEEEEEEEEE... such a little cutie.

and after that went to the music awards thingy. lol met asfx on the way to marina sq. haha so cool. after that it's so irritating. they made me threw my 2 bottles away cuz cannot bring liquids in!!!! T.T >:/ den after met mel and sab they ask me to turn to my right. lol. darn funny de. i saw yu yang lo!!! and his gf. too bad it was his gf sitting beside me. hahaha. after that got one unknown singing 专属天使 den yuyang go sing too, one line onli though. hahaha so nice he sang better than that person. =x =p sab thought i was the one singing. lols.
and i think cuz there's realli too little people and the better zone is not fully filled, so we managed to move to the better zone. den byebye yy. lol.

tentative pics. =p

i think i was wondering if he will be there...
and... yappari
but i didnt see him =/

dunno
but i hate this.
it's time to realise... knowing =/= realising eh?
getting light hearted gradually as enlightenment seeps in gradually...
sometimes things don't stay as forever.
take it in strides...
the only way.

back to the periodical qns i always ask myself...
which... i have yet gotta ans for it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



一次不忠, 百次不用
this harsh cruelty...
it's hard... ALWAYS...
to rebuild the wrecked trust people placed in you.
ironically, by you.
you = Me





yada! afternoons liao confirm gurantee chop. =/ geez...
had a realli OMGOMGZZZ lunch today. >.<
the atmosphere... =/

come on come on BRING IT ON!
我已经做好心理准备
人是要学会看开的　=/
makes it even more justified for me to splurge tis sun? =x
船到桥头自然直

ROJAKILY...



hahaha yamapi listens to bacause i'm stupid too!!! ost from bof. :]
how cool is that?! my idol listening to the same tink as me. lols.
louya imeem don't have that song yet... i wanna put it here.
or is louya me who can't find it? haha!


i love adults... to a certain extent.
cuz they always remind me to 'dit' before getting down bussys when they 'dit' themselves. haha. arigatou...
[i keep wanting to say this but i keep forgetting. HAHA. XD finally i rmbed. kudos]


drop tutee to pj =x heh. timings don't click yo.
wahaha. i tink my supervisor is funny and friendly. i tink i will doze off if she didnt entertain me. =x lol! previously, i wanted afternoon or night shits. =/ cuz got allowance. =x sucks...


window shopped today with zy. i'm windowing while she's splurging la huh. but i saw 3 pieces i like!!! omgomg, but they're all so ex!!! >:/ sheesh..... i'm gonna splurge this sun... i think... wahaha. =O


fateful day/dreaded day/tragic day/historical day/deadly day/ THIS FRIDAY!
gave the allowance i need.

packed packed packed weekend!

first and foremost!
WELCOME TO THE WORLD CHARLENE!!!
my niece...? cousin's daughter. gosh. being called auntie. i haven go visit my cousin yet. boo... =/ hahaha and wanna see charlene soon too. heh heh. :]




ytd...
had my first tuition session, lobang from clara. err... surprised by my own patience. O.O! okays i need loads of them if i'm gonna continue this lobang. sheesh. gotta find someway to teach zai-ly... sheesh... this kid from china can't read chinese and i'm supposed to teach him eng. tell me how?!?! T.T since this translates that writing chi characters serves no purpose... zzz. =/

after that went to meet o4 for kkkkkkk. ahhahaha. and mr tay joined at the end part. my voice was in bad shape. lols. square oval circle. which one? okays funny, not. haha and i first ate yam bao that day! and... discovered that yam bao is VERY NICE!!! :] went up to my bao list liao tgt with dao sa bao. woohoo. haha. zai yam bao.

after that guys and cher go 85 eatttt. =/ and went swimming with shw! [so cool shw LOL is whes] wheehee. at weiwei's dodo. since ages le. first time this year. LOL. ribib ribib~ i'm not a green thingy. ): so my ribib skills are sucky. gahhh... ):
hahahaha. after that we went 85 eatttt oso. woohoo!!!! oh ah jian!!! here we come!!!. uber nice and sinful and shoick!!! waha =o and i saw tian hao kor kor there. manzzz. sevens years no see le. manz manz. i have to go see them someday, i swear, i promised. =/ i miss themmmmm... gahhhh... ):




today...
woohoo. had an unconventional picnic at pasir ris park to celebrate a special one's bday![coincidentally, it's about the same date as charlene's bday wor!] hahaha. met wet to get the stuffs and before that i saw zsa2 den i saw name and den again later i saw dinggeng! wahaha. he gave that shock expression of 'eh wad u doing here' but can't be late so cannot stop to talk awhile. but dennnn who knows the other ppl were late. -.- so early in the morn and i saw so many ppl already kinda wow. oh and i ps zy for lessons just for this one. sorry zy... ): it's quits now. hehe.

sang bday song, nice potluck. stupid ants, red, black, big, small, crippled... all sorts. and the weird weather gave a few tearfuls and stopped and teared again and it's sunny throughout. madness. the weather's terrible lately. and i think it's cuz of 'sun rain' [translated directly from chinese] that the big pretty rainbow appeared days back. geez. be glad or the other way round?
*WHACKs PJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJJ!!!!* rarr~

went bugis after that and shop. and i've got that spending urge again! aiya sianz. how leh? ._. i bought 3 shorts in 2 weeks le... =/ control control... arrrggghhh... but there's still so many things out there i feel like purchasing. oh and we saw zimin too. haha.


and so...... after that it started raining cats and dogs!!!