Tuesday morning
I remember stormy weather
The way the sky looks when it's cold
And you were with me
Content with walking
So unaware of the world

Walking on air
EUNICE

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One-horse town


Unwind
My Not So Secret Lives ending
Posted on: Sunday, March 15, 2009
Posted at: 1:58 PM
After much worrying, tramatising, fear, and hesitation to clear the suspicion...
Ellie had already decided to have that retest done though she's clear for the first one. I was supportive of that and would MOST DEFINITELY want a happy, healthy Ellie back. She's been seriously blue, having insomnia for countless nights since she got that wrecked phone call from her ex. Worse... when we came to know about the window period for the HIV virus to be detected. And the first green light didn't meant any confirmation. It's as though throwing us back to deadly hell.

I wanted so much to accompany her to the hospital to get her lab report but she insisted on facing this alone, even without Cameron. Cameron didn't forsake her though their r/s was hit by that news. Cameron and me was under some emotional deranged syndrome i would say, waiting for that results. I could only keep my mind on the results of the report that's gonna dictate my bestest girlfriend life, now and in the future. Praying countless times for a negative result. This helplessness i first ever felt... it's like i'm under tonnes of rubble that i could hardly breathe.
It's only until i received this text...

E: i'm clear babe.. it's negative.


I just burst out crying endlessly in Trey's arms. Emotions are letting out after all that tension and on the other hand...
I didn't meant a single bit to felt that way, but a woman's intuition is seldom wrong. I wanted this to be the exception, how badly... reproaching myself for having this intuition even though it's beyond me, beyond my control.
Trey accompanied me down to look for Ellie after receiving this good news. When we reached Cameron was already there and from afar they seems to be in the heat of an argument. We both felt bewildered but figured out it's best to not butt in unnecessarily. It was then that Ellie just left jumping into a cab....

Cameron told us that she wanted to put their r/s to an end reasoning that she's unworthy of him after that 'betrayal'.
this abrupt. this illogical. this nonsensical.
doubts building up... i'm in a bad shape, drowning...
We could not accept as things are and decided to look for Ellie, this isn't the proper way to end all that after all they had been through... Combing her usual hangouts, pubs, clubs... when we finally found her... dead drunk.

She stayed over at my place and it's only the next morn that i heard her muffled cries. She totally broke down and couldn't speak a word even after hours of crying that her tears ran dry... I was in pain just by looking at her. all i could do was hug her but i ended up crying with her.

Me: Hey, u ok after letting it all out?
She said nth looking at me blankly. lost deep in her own world...

Me: * slightly nudging her* i'm seriously worried after the spade of events that happen ytd.

E: sorry. *her hands covering her forehead*

Me: pls don't be... (Even before i cld finish what i had to say...)

E: sorry sorry sorry sorrryyyyy...........................................................(In my mind:my nutcase intuition is sooo not gonna be true!! that unfeeling text)............................................ I lied.

Me: i love you all the same! throwing myself into her arms.


Carmeron got the news and was dead furious, not because Ellie lied about her test results, but for the fact that Ellie pushed him away thinking that they can't get through this together.

Back in school... Cameron and i were both stupified by how people started shunning Ellie. How news spread was definitely most questionable. Those ignorant brats and bitches started behaving and passing remarks that even a sec school teen nowadays would deemed them ridiculous. FOR GOD'S SAKE'S HIV can't be passed through air, touch, sneeze, kiss, straws, shared food and whatnots invented by those pea-brained ignorants! There's no point getting outta lifts holding an AIDS sufferer, wearing mouth masks/gloves when you're near a sufferer, almost nearing to bring an oxygen tank when you're sitting beside a victim breathing the same air UNLESS...
YOU PEOPLE TAKE PRECAUTIONS IN YOUR SEXUAL LIVES(wear that rubber) AND AT BEST JUST STICK TO ABSTINENCE!!!!!

Society as it is, ignorance can't be eradicated overnight.. that is understandable but as AIDS being one of the world's top rising killer and global 'epidemic' taking away lives, destroying families, eating away at one of society's essential fundamentals-empathy-due to pure ignorance. It's high time those found guilty to do some self upgrade and not be boxed in their wrong personal opinions behaviours. I was once among one of those I won't deny, only after the incident that happened to Ellie. Subsequently with the individual, community, organisations, society, government and international efforts... this world would be a better place to those AIDS sufferers!! peace out! Putting aside this case, many other infants and children contracted AIDS through 'hereditary'.

Not every sufferer's case has the retribution element!

I needed to rant my frustrations with regards to this matter, don't mind me people...
Back to King Cameron and Queen Eleanor...
Cameron had straightened out his thoughts and ascertain that another woman of his life ain't gonna ever come by. Through the thins, he's most willing to stick by her till the soul reapers came to take either of them. Even so, Ellie didn't agree to that though they still had the same love for each other. Reality has it that they can't have a normal marriage, and the guilt of burdening Carmeron is too great for Ellie to bear to the extent of taking her well before the HIV virus got to her. She wanted a glamorous exit from Cameron's love life. Well, definitely they stayed on as BFF, not any less care and concern as before. Deep down both of them know nothing had changed except for the status and whatever strings attached to it...

As for me and Trey, i would say we seem to fall deeper by the day. He was my pillar of support through Ellie's incident though at times he didnt know what to say or how to assure me... BUT,
him beside me is all that i need. :)




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